


One Day At A Time

by craigtrash



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Childhood Sexual Abuse, Eleanor Calder/Original Male Character - Freeform, Homophobia, Incest, M/M, Rape/Non-con Elements, Self Harm, Suicide Attempt, Zayn Malik/Liam Payne - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-08
Updated: 2013-12-08
Packaged: 2018-01-04 00:36:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1074973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/craigtrash/pseuds/craigtrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every morning, Louis wakes up in a new body. He isn’t sure why, but it’s all he’s ever known. What happens when he wakes up as a suicidal boy who works in a bakery named Harry?</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Day At A Time

Louis’ life wasn’t exactly what someone would consider “normal”. He didn’t have a steady job, he didn’t have any friends or even a family, he didn’t even have a body of his own. The only reason he even had his own name was he had a memory, at least he assumed it was a memory, of being called that and it stuck with him. In reality, his life wasn’t necessarily bad. He had more life experiences than anyone could ever possibly imagine having. He’s been all over the world and has met possibly millions of different kinds of people.

How is that possible? Every single morning, Louis wakes up in a new body. He’s not entirely sure why, it’s just always been that way for as long as he could remember. He may have had a life before this, that would explain why the name Louis always floated around his head, but he didn’t remember anything of it. Not what he looked like, not what his family was like, absolutely nothing. It was all kind of just a guess. It was very possible he never even had a real family.

Most would assume that this life would be a burden. He could never live his own life; never pursue his own dreams and desires. If Louis were being completely honest, he didn’t know if he had any. While he grew more attached to some bodies more than others, he never liked a life long enough to want to stay, to have a life just like them. All of his daily experiences were more than enough. At least, that’s what he thought.

Where he ended up was completely unpredictable. One day he could wake up as a sixteen year-old boy in American with a bad case of acne and wake up as an 85 year-old woman in Bangladesh the next. It can be rather exhausting. He could never be prepared for what was to come and could only hope for the best.

Monday

Crash.

That’s the first thing Louis heard as his eyes opened for the first time that morning. He rubbed his eyes and looked around the room. It was pretty boring, he had to admit. The walls were completely bare, save for a single window on the opposite side of the room which appeared to be nailed shut. ‘Not off to the best start’ Louis thought to himself. There was a dresser that was cluttered with all sort of junk and the floor had clothes scattered all over the floor. ‘Well, teenaged boy is likely’ he added before admiring his body. Lanky, pale limbs with just a little bit of definition.

“Niall!” a voice called from the hallway. Louis had completely forgotten about the crash that had woken him up in the first place. The voice was slurred and laced with anger. This obviously wasn’t going to be an easy day.

Louis was honestly quite scared to move from his spot. He had been in bad places like this before. He had dealt with drunks and drug addicts alike and doing anything to provoke them was never a good option. He curled himself up on the bed, trying to make himself smaller and hoping whoever the man was on the other side would go away. A loud knock came from the door, making Louis jump in surprise. “Get up, ye’ little shit. You’ve got school.”

Louis groaned internally. While waking up as a child or teenager wasn’t necessarily the worst thing that could happen, he hated going to school. Whoever had the idea to put a bunch of hormone-jacked and troubled youth into one building was obviously on drugs. Even though he would like to opt out and skip schooling all together, with the tone on the other side of the door, he wasn’t going to chance it. “I’m up,” he called back and Louis wanted to laugh at the thick Irish brogue that came out. At least he now knew where he was.

He let the body go on autopilot through it’s morning routine otherwise he knew that he would make this poor boy, Niall, be late for school and bring him to the wrath of the mysterious man. After a quick shower in an unsightly bathtub, teeth brushed and a wee, Louis went down the hall quietly, hoping to avoid the man at all cost.

The house was dark, the only light was coming from the few cracks that the curtains provided. Luckily, Niall’s body seemed to know how to navigate the filthy house, stepping over every piece of garbage and broken beer bottles. When he thought he was off scot-free, he heard a grumble coming from the couch. “Working late tonight,” the man said, his voice just as intimidating as it was when he first heard it.

“Alright, sir,” his voice said and Louis hoped he could get the hell out of this house and soon. The man absolutely radiated the smell of alcohol. It was quite obvious that even now, in the early morning hour, he was drunk. Luckily, the man didn’t seem to want to talk anymore, or wasn’t able to, Louis couldn’t tell, so he hurried out the door with a shudder.

—-

The school day, fortunately, depending on which way you look at it, went by quickly. Apparently Niall only had a few friends and none of them were the most exciting bunch. ‘Probably because of his home life’ Louis thought to himself. He did have one friend that was closer than the rest, Josh, and he seemed like an alright lad. From what he could gather, he and Niall had been friends for most of their lives. He asked if he wanted to come over after school, but Louis declined. He didn’t know what to really expect when he got home and he didn’t want to do anything to upset Niall’s father. Josh seemed to understand.

He wondered where the mother was. She was nowhere to be seen this morning and from the little bits he could pick up from Niall, she wasn’t around. He hoped poor Niall wasn’t left alone with his father. The boy was only fourteen and didn’t deserve this kind of weight on his shoulders. His dipped into just the basics of Niall’s memories and it was easy enough to find out that Niall’s mother had died years ago from a car crash.

Niall was sitting in the back when the other driver who had passed through a red light slammed into their car. Niall, who was only eight at the time had broken his collarbone from the seatbelt but otherwise was fine. His mother, however, was not so lucky. Niall called out to his mother, begging her to wake up but to no avail. She wasn’t going to wake up and it wasn’t until a police officer pulled him from the car did that really sink in.

Things changed at the Horan house after his mother’s death. Niall’s father resented him for the entire thing since his mother was picking him up from school and if it wasn’t for that, she’d still be here. It got to the point where Niall started to believe his father and started to pull away from everyone. Louis pulled out and sighed. He really didn’t want to see anymore.

When he arrived back at the house, there wasn’t any sign of the father which Louis was grateful for. He walked into the kitchen, looking for any sign of anything edible. There was hardly anything in the refrigerator. Milk that looked like it only had a couple days left of life, a few rotten pieces of fruit and a nearly empty thing of tomato sauce. Louis frowned as he moved to the cupboard which was almost just as baron. There was mostly random spices and other ingredients but luckily, way in the back, there was a box of spaghetti. ‘Looks like I know what I’m having tonight’.

He ate dinner at the small, dirty table that was cluttered with spam mail and unopened bills before going to his room to work on whatever homework Niall was assigned that day. He finished close to eleven before drifting off to sleep.

Louis could never figure out when it was during the night where he switched bodies. He sometimes would fall asleep in a different time zone than he was the last so he was never quite on a normal schedule. Whatever it was, he really wish it would have happened sooner tonight. He was awoken by another crash and realized quickly that he was still in Niall’s room. It was pitch black, save from the little red numbers glowing from his bedside table which read “1:15”. He rubbed his eyes and hoped that the man wouldn’t bother him but of course, there wasn’t such luck.

“Niall,” he heard the man slur from down the hall. Louis brought the blanket over his head and prayed for sleep and the man to disappear, for him to wake up in the next body. The door opened, however, and the dark silhouette of the man filled the doorway. No matter how much Louis prayed, he didn’t disappear. He seemed to be stuck. “Niall,” the man repeated, stepping into the room. The closer he got, the stronger the smell of stale alcohol filled all of his senses, making his stomach twist uncomfortably. “You up, baby boy?”

Louis kept quite, even though it wouldn’t do anything. This obviously was a recurring thing and he couldn’t wish it away. The man was hovering right above the bed now, looking down at him. The smell of whiskey was overwhelming that Louis could feel himself getting lightheaded. “Such a pretty boy,” the man said, climbing into the bed with him now. “Pretty eyes, like your mothers.”

‘Oh god’ Louis thought. ‘This sick fuck uses his own child because his wife is gone.’ The man stroked his face with his thick fingers and Louis wanted to cry. Not just because he was stuck in this situation. He had dealt with a lot of bad situations over his life and he knew he would wake up tomorrow and it would be like this never happened. For Niall, however, this would not go away. This was his life and Louis wanted to weep for the poor, innocent blond boy. He would just have to tough it out and pray that it end quickly.

When it was over, Louis felt the pain rip up his spine and he could swear that his ass was bleeding but he was scared to check. Only when the man was gone did he allow himself to cry, his sobs racking though Niall’s small, abused body. ‘Please let tomorrow be better. For me and Niall.’

Tuesday

Thankfully this time, Louis found himself waking up naturally rather than from something breaking. That’s at least a good start. The second thing he noticed was a deep ache in in the back of his throat. It wasn’t painful, per say, more just incredibly uncomfortable. He also could briefly smell the very familiar scent which could only mean one thing. ‘Shit’ Louis thought. ‘I’m in the body of a smoker. Just brilliant.’ The last thing he noticed was that he wasn’t on a bed but rather a couch, and not a very comfortable one at that.

Louis stretched his sore muscles and started to search for a pack of cigarettes. He needed to get rid of this damn annoying ache. He found a pack of Marlboros and a lighter on the floor next to the couch and pulled a fag out, wasting no time to light it up. He wasn’t sure if he was supposed to be smoking where he was, but whoever’s body he’s in didn’t seem to care so Louis didn’t either. He never like the taste of cigarettes. He thought the after taste was far too strong and if he were to have his own body, he would never pick up the habit for himself.

When half of it was gone, he heard movement coming from the entrance of the room. ‘Whoa’ Louis thought to himself. The person hanging by the door was incredibly fit. The mysterious boy was only wearing a pair of thin pajama pants and Louis couldn’t help but let his eyes rake across the man’s exposed muscles, and there was a lot of them. Whoever’s body he was in obviously found this lad attractive as well because Louis felt his heart beat pick up in his chest. “I thought you were going to quit,” the boy said, his lips twitched up in an amused smirk.

“I’ll start next week,” he said which seemed to appease the other boy.

The boy stepped closer and ended up plopping down at the edge of the couch. His heart picked up again and Louis knew that this obviously wasn’t an isolated incident. Whoever he was right now, they definitely had some serious feelings for this boy. Louis definitely didn’t blame him. While Louis couldn’t really pin down a sexuality for himself, he technically didn’t even has his own body and identifying as a boy was just kind of a hunch he had for himself, but he definitely leaned more towards men in most circumstances. Obviously whoever he was today did as well.

He found an ashtray close by and burned the fag out. The nagging feeling in his throat was gone but now he was hyperaware of the boy sitting at his feet. He couldn’t tell which one was worse. The boy was even more attractive up close. His hair was buzzed, his chest was broad and rippling with muscles, his arms were strong and look like they could pin someone down without even trying, and he had a few moles scattered across his body. Yeah, Louis could definitely see why this body was infatuated with the other boy.

“By the way,” the boy said, his mood shifting slightly. “Your mum called last night.”

Louis had no idea what that was supposed to mean, but the body stiffened slightly at the mention of his mother. Generally, Louis could go day by day in each body he entered by just skimming the surface of their inner thoughts and memories, just general information like names, relationships and other things of that nature. Louis was rather good at picking up everything else along the way, years of practice did that to him. He didn’t like feeling like he was invading someone’s privacy by digging too deep. Usually he found things out that he really did not need to know and the thoughts became a heavy burden on his mind for the rest of the day. Today, however, was obviously going to have to be one of his more intrusive days.

First thing he discovered was the basics; Zayn Malik, seventeen, from Bradford, UK, smoking since the age of 13, yada, yada, yada….not really getting him anywhere so he dug further into his mind. Currently living on the couch of best mate (and love of his life) Liam Payne, kicked out of home for being gay. And there it was. So at least that made the situation with the mystery boy, now known as Liam, a little less awkward since apparently he knew Zayn was gay. Louis fiddled around further and discovered his father was a strict Muslim as disowned Zayn after discovering the truth. Nothing really about the mother though…Either way, Louis felt made for the lad.

With all of his experiences, Louis was definitely anything but close-minded. He’s seen and lived from more points–of-view than anyone ever could imagine so being gay was hardly a problem for him and he could safely say that being gay was not a choice. He didn’t understand why others couldn’t see that.

“Whatever,” he said with a shrug of his shoulders. “Nothing she could say will change anything.”

The boy, Liam, seemed to be biting his tongue but didn’t say anything else about it. “What do you wanna do today, mate? S’my day off.”

Louis shrugged his shoulders. “It’s up to you, mate,” he said. “I’m going to shower and take a piss.” When Louis walked into the loo, he couldn’t help but this Zayn boy out. He was quite good looking himself. His hair was messy from sleep, but even so, Zayn was a very fit lad. His body was much leaner than Liam’s, but that didn’t mean it wasn’t appealing. He had tattoos littered over his body, one of his arms almost completely covered which gave the boy a very dark appeal.

His heart sank a bit for Zayn, however, because obviously Liam wasn’t gay or he couldn’t see why he would turn someone like Zayn down. Without even having to dig too deep into his mind, he could tell that their friendship was long-lasting and they were practically attached at the hip. If he were gay, Zayn definitely seemed like a good choice for him, at least from an outside point-of-view and Zayn obviously felt the cold sting of that reality every day.

He pissed, took a quick shower and went back into the living room where Liam sat already dressed, which disappointed Louis. He quickly gathered some clothes and went to turn to go back into the bathroom when Liam spoke up. “Why are you changing in there?” he asked, his eyebrow arched. “I’ve seen you naked plenty of times before. Our friendship doesn’t have to change because you, y’know, are gay or whatever.” Louis could see a faint blush spread across his cheeks which Louis found endearing.

“Thanks, mate,” he said. He dressed, quickly, avoiding all eye contact with the other boy. Zayn may be comfortable walking around in the nude in front of Liam, but Louis, on the other hand, was not. When they were finished, Louis made sure to slip the pack of fags in his back pocket as well as the wallet that he been discarded on the floor, assumingly, last night.

—-

This day, besides the annoying ache that he got all throughout the day from craving the damn cigarettes, was significantly better than the last. He tried not to let his mind linger on the poor, Irish boy he was the day before, and instead enjoyed his time with Liam. He had woken up close to noon so after grabbing a quick bite to eat, they spent the rest of the day skateboarding around town. Luckily, the body’s muscle memory helped him not make a fool of himself or else Zayn would really have a lot of explaining to do about why he suddenly sucked ass at something he did nearly every day.

Liam was just a joy to be around. He always seemed to have a positive attitude about things, Louis noticed. Even when he stubbed his already broken toe, he let out a growl and clenched his fists and he was back to being in a good mood. Louis could definitely see himself being friends with a guy like Liam if he had his own body to account for.

They ended their day back at Liam’s flat. While Louis figured out that Zayn was only seventeen, Liam was just a coupe years older, nineteen, and moved from his parents as soon as he finished school and Zayn practically lived here even before he was disowned. They plopped down on the couch as Liam pulled out a small bag of weed and lifted his eyebrow at Zayn. Louis had smoked weed before in other’s bodies and while it wasn’t a habit he saw himself picking up if he had the choice, he wasn’t going to deny something Zayn would typically enjoyed. ‘Better than cocaine,’ he thought to himself.

So they sat there, passing a glass bowl back and forth between themselves. There was a silence between them, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. After a while, however, Liam spoke up. “Hey Zayn?” he asked, passing the bowl back to Louis.

“Yeah?” he asked. He tried his best to sound neutral, but inside, Louis was nervous. He had absolutely not idea what Liam would want to ask of him.

“Why did it take you so long to tell me you were gay?” he said, not looking over at him. “I mean, I’m your best mate, right? And you had to have known I wasn’t going to care.”

Louis began to panic a bit. His brain was hazed over from the impact of the drug and he was having a harder time to find a proper answer. He remembered earlier, finding out that Zayn had known for a while that he was gay, since he was fourteen or so. Did Liam know that? Louis couldn’t tell and he was scared that he’d give an answer that wasn’t true because Liam could call him out on it later and Zayn wouldn’t know what to do.

One of Louis’ biggest rules for himself was that he tries to leave as little impact on the bodies he’s in as he can. He never sabotages relationships, even if he thinks it’s for the best, he tries his best to make sure they stay on whatever schedule they usually have, even if that means waking up at 6am to go for a two-mile run. Telling Liam that Zayn was in love with him, that’s why, definitely fell into that category. When he looks up finally and sees the small ping of hurt hidden in Liam’s eyes, he decides maybe it would be best to break his rule, just this once.

Louis takes a deep breath and gathers up as much courage as he could muster before whispering, “Because I’m in love with you.”

There’s silence again and this time, it’s not as easy as the first. Louis definitely feels uncomfortable and he’s too afraid to look up to see if Liam is as well. Even though he’s almost positive this won’t ruin their friendship, he is unsure of what kind of strain it might put on it which Louis fears. Eventually, his curiosity gets the better of him and he looks up, and see’s Liam looking at him.

He doesn’t look disgusted, which is good. In fact, Louis can’t really place what emotion he sees in Liam’s face but before he can even question it further, Liam lurches forward and attaches his lips to his own. Louis is freaking out mentally. This was definitely not the reaction he expected but he supposed this was better than any other scenario he could have thought of, especially with his slightly hazy brain.

When he pulls away, a blush has spread across Liam’s cheeks again but he’s smiling. “You asshole,” he said with a soft laugh. “I—I love you, too. I have for well over two years now but I didn’t think you were interested, let alone gay.” They both laugh at this, Louis mostly out of relief that his meddling in Zayn’s life did good instead of fucking anything up. They smile at each other before their lips come back together once more. This time it’s more heated, as if all of the build up of wanting and longing broke loose into this kiss.

This time when the kiss ends, Liam asks if he wants to join him in his bed. Louis hesitates because he doesn’t want to take Zayn’s first time from Louis with only vague remembrance of it, but luckily Liam jumps in and reassures him that it’s just for sleep. Louis nods his head and lets Liam lead him to the bedroom. They strip down to just their boxers and Liam is quick to pull Louis into his chest.

‘Yes,’ Louis thought. ‘Zayn is going to thank me in the morning.’

Wednesday

The first thing Louis realizes this morning is that his face is completely surrounded by hair which, typically, meant one thing: today, he was a girl. It wasn’t that he minded being a girl, he just preferred to be a boy. He felt more at home, even if it’s only for a day. He opened his eyes to see that the room was pretty typical for a teenage girl, at least he assumed. It was clean, but not too clean, and neatly decorated. He got up and walked to the vanity on the far side of the room and examined himself.

The girl whose body he was in was definitely attractive. She had long, brown hair and soft pink lips. Her eyebrows were curved perfectly and her eyes were kind, but definitely tired. The heavy bags under her eyes were the only thing that marked her face in a negative way. Louis did a quick scan of her memories and apparently, today he was Eleanor. Sixteen year old college student, near perfect grades and from what he could tell, rather popular. She seemed as if Eleanor had the perfect life until Louis dug slightly deeper.

Apparently, Eleanor did have one thing going against her. A boyfriend by the name of Toby. While their were flashes of happy times, Louis found more fights and crying than he wished to ever see from one person. His heart went out to the poor girl and decided he was going to try his hardest to make this day good for her and avoid him if possible.

Louis took a shower and tried to follow Eleanor’s morning routine was best he could. ‘Ugh, must girls really put this much effort into getting ready this early in the morning?’ he asked himself as he tried not to burn himself on a curling iron. He finished up just in time apparently because as soon as he finished putting on the mascara, a honk sounded from the front of the house. Louis grabbed the girl’s school bag and rushed out the door to meet whoever was there to pick her up.

Unfortunately, his plan to avoid Toby was already a flop since he was sitting in the driver’s side of the car. Louis’ heart sank a bit but tried to not let it show. Even though their relationship obviously wasn’t the best, he couldn’t let his own emotions show over Eleanor’s. He climbed into the car and offered him a small smile. “Hi,” Louis said as he buckled himself in.

Toby looked Eleanor up and down and rolled his eyes. “Why do you always do your makeup, anyway?” he asked with a scoff. “Who are you trying to impress?”

Louis wants to snap back at him because he almost burned his face with that curling iron so how dare he open his mouth, but he knew that probably wasn’t something Eleanor would do so he bites his tongue. “I just like it,” he says, trying to keep his voice even.

“Whatever,” Toby said before he rolled his eyes again and continued down the road.

He luckily doesn’t start up a conversation for the rest of the ride to school, which Louis was grateful for. They pull up into the parking lot and they both hop out of the car. With how silent the car ride was, Louis wasn’t really expecting for the boy to grab Eleanor’s hand but he did and his grip was definitely firm. ‘Obviously the possessive type,’ he thought.

They walked down the hallway, or more accurately, he led Louis down the hallway until they reached a group of lockers who obviously knew who they were. “Hey!” a girl with tanned skin smiled at Eleanor and Louis did a quick scan to find out that this girl was Danielle, Eleanor’s closest friend. The girl looked over at Toby and gave a polite smile to the boy before turning back to her friend. She started talking about something that happened at dance rehearsals the night before and the entire time, Toby did not leave his side which Louis found odd. ‘Apparently he is incredibly possessive’ he thought. Even though he tried, it was hard to follow along with Danielle’s story with the boy standing, obviously bored and annoyed, at his side.

When it was time to leave for class, he was still there. He walked all the way to Eleanor’s first class before he even let go of her hand. He leaned down and placed on his lips briefly, but even as an outsider, Louis felt absolutely no spark there. No emotional tie or connection whatsoever.

Every time a class ended, Toby was there without fail. Louis didn’t even know how that was possible without him skipping out of class early or not going to class at all. He couldn’t understand why someone like Eleanor who had good grades, a sea of friends, and the respect of her peers would deal with this sort of thing. It just didn’t seem to make sense so Louis decided that he was going to break his second biggest rule: never dig deeper into someone’s memory more than needed.

Louis never liked feeling like he was overstepping his boundaries when he was inside of someone’s body. He doesn’t want to feel like he’s constantly digging into people’s deepest thoughts and invading their privacy. It felt wrong so he only scraped by with the basics. Knowing names and faces was usually enough but for some reason, this was bothering him so during Eleanor’s study hall, he decided to investigate.

He pulled up the earliest memories he could find that involved Toby.

They were standing in the hallway when they were introduced. He was the new student and Eleanor offered him his hand. They talked the whole day and exchanged phone numbers. Fast forward months later, they’re talking on the phone and Eleanor is making Mac n Cheese. Toby says he has a crush on a girl and wants to ask her out. Eleanor’s heart sinks but gives him advice and Toby tells her that he’ll call her back. They hang up, he calls back immediately and says she’s the one he likes. Eleanor accepts.

Louis could definitely see how Eleanor could find him charming in the beginning, but obviously something has changed so he decided to dig some more.

Memories of random trips to her house with roses. Sweet kisses and even more kisses filled with passion and heat. Cute love notes sent under their desks when their teaches back is turned. Then something changed.

Lots of fighting, shouting. Toby is angry a lot.Even in the much faded memory, Louis can see the jealousy that once flashed in his eyes. Louis can’t really keep up with the memories. It almost seemed like things changed overnight. While he was once this sweet gentleman, somehow he turned into an envious monster.

Then Louis hears it. Hears the one thing that makes thing click into place. ‘If I die, it will be your fault.’ and ‘if you leave, I’ll kill myself.’ So apparently Toby has threatened suicide. Not once, either. He sees flashes of memory of frantic phone calls, of streaks of red that Eleanor hastily picked up as if she wanted it to remain a secret, of her walking in to find Toby hanging with a belt around his neck from his bedroom door.

Louis quickly pulls out of her memories. He can’t take it anymore. He wants to cry. This poor girl was stuck in an abusive relationship that no one seemed to know of. She was struggling with trying to keep him alive out of misplaced guilt that he put there because he’s a fucked up person.

Even though he had only been inside Eleanor for not even half a day, Louis feels so bad for her. This poor girl is trapped with fear. The sad thing is, she probably doesn’t even realize it. Doesn’t realize that what he’s doing is wrong, that nothing is her fault, that she deserves so much more. That this is abuse. This bastard has completely brain washed her into thinking that she didn’t deserve any better than him and that if she were to try to leave, it would be her fault if he ended up dying. Louis grabbed the hall pass from the front of the room and headed to the bathroom where he sat and cried until the end of the period.

Louis spent the rest of the day in a state of melancholy but no one seemed to notice, especially not Toby. When the final bell rang, Louis said goodbye to the few friends of Eleanor he could see as he walked through the halls with Toby grasping his hand tightly.

The drive is silence again, and Louis is grateful. He didn’t know if he could even pretend to be okay with this asshole right now. They pulled into Eleanor’s driveway and when he noticed that Toby looked as if he was about to get out, Louis acted quickly to stop him. “Wait,” he said. “I don’t think I can hangout today. I’m swamped with homework and I really need to get it done.”

Toby scoffed and rolled his eyes as per usual. “God, you’re so selfish,” he spat at her, making Louis’ blood boil as a result. “You always put other shit before me. I’m your boyfriend if you don’t remember. I should come first.”

Louis couldn’t even believe the fucking nerve of this guy. There was no way he could be serious but then again, Louis wouldn’t put it past him after all he had seen. “I’m sorry,” he said, biting down on his lower lip. “I promise I’ll make it up to you. I just really need to do this tonight.”

Toby wasn’t pleased, but he put his seatbelt back on and mumbled a quick, “whatever”.

Louis leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the boy’s cheek, even though he’d much rather spit at it, before climbing out of the car.

Even though he had hoped that would be the last time Louis would have to deal with Toby, that was definitely wishful thinking. Not very long after he got home, Eleanor’s phone went off and it was from Toby, making Louis cringe. He supposed it wasn’t the worst, even though he’d get a follow up text if Toby didn’t get a reply as soon as he’d like even though Louis continued to explain that he was doing homework.

When the day was really done and Eleanor’s homework was completed, Louis was relieved that he would be rid of Toby in the morning, even though his heart still ached for Eleanor for having to deal with him. He really wished she would realize she was worth more than he was giving her credit for. If only.

Thursday

When Louis woke up the next morning by the blare of an alarm, there was no sun peaking through the curtains. The room was pitch black. He peaked over at the alarm clock to see it was 4:00 in the morning, making him groan. He quickly shut off the alarm and quickly scanned to find out why the hell someone would want to wake up at this ungodly hour. Apparently this one worked at a bakery and had to be there by 5:00 open. Brilliant.

Louis only allowed himself to mope about the time for a few more minutes before forcing himself out of bed and into the bathroom. He turned on the light, the brightness burning his eyes. When they finally adjusted, Louis was able to evaluate what was standing in front of him in his reflection. He was not disappointed.

His reflection showed a young man, probably only twenty if he had to guess. He had a mess of curls on top of his head that even in the added muss of sleep, still fit him nicely. His face….wow. The boy was gorgeous. He had the most beautiful green eyes that Louis could stare into for days. His lips were a shade of pink that Louis that Louis was certain no makeup company could duplicate and when he opened that beautiful mouth, a perfect set of teeth were revealed. This boy was definitely, by far, one of the most attractive people Louis remembers seeing in a long time, and he’s woken up as a celebrity before.

What Louis missed in his evaluation, however, was that this boy was sporting a large bandage going up his arm. Getting curious, Louis unwound the band but as soon as he did, he immediately wished he could take it back. The boy had cuts all up his forearm and the memories of old one’s were prominent against his pale skin as well. Louis thought he was going to be sick. While he wanted to know what could possessive this beautiful boy to do this, he didn’t have the time. He needed to get him showered and to work by 5:00.

He showered without the bandage and the water made the still fresh wound sting, but Louis knew it had to be done. He finished his morning routine by 5:40, quickly got dressed in the bakery uniform his found hanging in the closet, rewrapped his bandage and was out the door.

Working at the bakery was to be what he expected. It was really busy in the morning when people were off to work or whatever business they had during the day, then died down as the numbers on the clock turned into double digit. While most people were fairly nice to him, many of them obviously regulars and knew Harry by name, he did get a few off glances towards his arm where the bandages were tightly wound around Harry’s wrist. Louis tried his best to ignore it.

His manager was acting extra nice towards him than usual, at least that’s what Louis picked up from the memories. It was like he was trying not to rustle Harry too much or he might snap. While he was sure it was all meant with the best intentions, it annoyed Louis to no end and was glad when his shift ended.

The flat itself wasn’t much. It was incredibly small. Everything was just a few steps away from each other. Louis sat down on the old, lumpy couch in the middle of the apartment and sighed, not really sure what to do since it was only midday and he was already done with everything Harry typically did on an average day. So, he decided to break his rules again because he seemed to be doing a pretty good job with that lately, and dig into Harry’s memory.

The first thing he felt was very distinct memory a sharp ache in his heart that was so overwhelming that it made Louis, who was just reliving the moment, feel it radiating through him. Harry’s thoughts were all very dark and blurry. He didn’t think even Harry himself remembered much of the past weeks leading up to the event that gave him the bandages.

Everything is just a blur of shades of gray. He sees the bakery, he thinks, but it’s hard to be sure. Louis is just completely overwhelmed by the pain rippling through his body. If this is how he felt looking at it, he could only imagine what poor Harry actually felt living it. Then he comes to a memory that isn’t gray. It’s the only recent memory that is filled with color. Harry is looking at his reflection with big bags under his eyes. There’s absolutely no gleam from those green orbs, they look lifeless. Louis hardly recognizes him.

Then he sees it. It’s thin, silver and glimmering slightly from the florescent lights of the bathroom. Louis wants to call out to Harry, tell him no, don’t do it, Harry, it’s not worth it. He knows it’s a memory, it already happened and Louis saw the proof of it this morning when he woke up but he still wants to cry out for the boy, pull him into his nonexistent chest and hold him close, tell him everything is going to be okay. When Louis saw the bright, blur of red, he pulls out of the memory. It’s too much.

He’s been inside of the body of someone who’s suicidal before but for some reason, it’s different. Harry’s mind had been rather calm all day and until he went looking for it, he could only see the images of a kind boy. In fact, if it wasn’t for the bandages, he wouldn’t have known Harry could possibly be as depressed as he obviously was, is.

He stays out of Harry’s brain as much as he can for the rest of the day. He never actually finds out what caused Harry to want to commit suicide, if that truly was his intent. He wasn’t sure he wanted to dig any further. That seemed too private and even though he had already overstepped his boundaries, Louis felt like he would be invading Harry’s privacy if he tried to dig further. Louis only allows himself to focus on some of the happier images, one’s of Harry laughing and smiling a genuine smile. It’s nice, and Louis wishes Harry would smile more often. He wishes he’d be able to see it when he does because even in the blur of a memory, Louis can see that Harry has one of the most breathtaking smiles he has ever seen.

 

Louis isn’t even sure why he feels himself being so drawn to this boy. This isn’t the only time he’s been in a body of someone who needed help, someone who needs desperately for someone to reach out for them but getting nothing and it won’t be the last but when the day draws to a close, Louis finds himself clinging on to the image of Harry’s smile, the way his hair falls in every which direction, and the way his shampoo smells. It’s silly, really. Louis is well aware that eventually, Harry will be nothing more than one of the thousands of bodies he has inhabited over the years, a distant memory. That didn’t stop him from doing something for the very first time since he could remember. Before he went to bed, Louis pulled out a notebook and scrawled out at the top of the page ‘You are beautiful. You deserve to live a happy life. Things will get better.’

Louis tried his hardest to stay awake after that, maybe if he didn’t actually fall asleep he would stay with Harry for at least another day but eventually, sleep takes over him and blackness swallows him whole.

 

Friday

When Louis awakes the next morning, there’s light filtering through the window’s so already he knows his wish to stay with Harry was left unanswered. Harry would already be up and at the bakery by now, going on with his life and having no clue that Louis had even been there. At least he remembered Harry, that was a good sign. After being in so many bodies, some started to blur together and eventually he’d forget many of them unless they had seriously impacted him. For reasons he was unsure of, Harry had impacted Louis greatly and he couldn’t see him forgetting anytime soon, at least he hoped not.

He looked around the room and noticed that it was incredibly plain as if no one really lived there. The walls were bare and there was nothing on top of the furniture. No keys, no random assortment of papers—-nothing. ‘That’s odd,’ Louis thought to himself. ‘Wonder who the hell I am today.’ Louis tried to do a quick brain check, but came out clean. The only thing he could find were his own memories and his thoughts echoing back to him. Now he was really confused.

He quickly got up and headed towards the bathroom that was connected to the room. Inside he found a brand new toothbrush and an unopened tube of toothpaste. He looked into the mirror and realized that he was in the body of a boy and while Louis knew for a fact he had never been in this body before, he never was in the same body twice, it looked oddly….he didn’t have a word for it. Familiar, perhaps, although he was sure he had never seen this boy before. He tried again to gain access to this boy’s mind for some kind of answer, but he came up dry again. Louis let out a growl of frustration and stomped back into the room and through open the top drawer of dresser and found there were close inside but they were all brand new and had the tags still attached to the fabric.

Louis was losing his mind, he had to be, he decided. He went down the hall and realized that this entire place was pretty much the exact same state as the room. There was furniture, but it was all very plain and every room looked unlived in which only confused Louis even more and drove his curiosity further. He found his way into the kitchen which not to his surprise, was just as plain as the rest of the place. The only different he found was that there was a folder on the table. Louis’ brow arched in curiosity and pulled out a chair and sat down, picking up the folder and opening it up.

The first thing that caught his attention was an I.D. with a picture of the body he was in on it. Printed on it was the name Louis Tomlinson which made Louis’ mouth drop. Louis Tomlinson? This entire situation was really starting to freak the boy out but he decided to look further. Along with the I.D., there was a National Insurance card with Louis Tomlinson printed along it. Louis could feel his head spin with unanswered questions but as he kept digging, he really didn’t find any. Sure, he found the deed to the house he was in, a bank statement to a bank account that had more money in it than Louis could actually imagine on his own, but even with all of this information, he still had no clue what was happening. Why couldn’t he find any memories of this Louis Tomlinson? Was it a coincidence that his name was Louis or was there more to it?

He tried once more to find memories of this body, trying to use to knowledge of the name to his advantage but once again, he came up dry. He let out a moan of frustration and laced his fingers in his hair. This had to be some sort of sick joke. Maybe he had finally drove himself crazy. That was the only real explanation for any of this. It didn’t make sense that he couldn’t figure out why this was happening. Then again, when did Louis’ life ever make sense?

Louis didn’t get any closer to finding out the answers for the rest of the day, he spent the entire day inside of the bare house, thinking of Harry and hoping he was doing alright. He wondered what he was doing at the moment, if anything interesting happened at work or what he thought of the note he left in Harry’s handwriting. It was probably unhealthy to think about someone he will never see again, but Louis couldn’t seem to help himself.

He went to bed that night, hoping for things to go back to normal. He closed his eyes, waiting for sleep to take him but when it does, something that had never happened before in all of Louis’ long life occurred. He dreamed. At least, that’s what he assumed was happening. He understood what dreams were and how they occurred, but he never once experienced it first hand. His nights were spent being transported to a new body, not having his subconscious take over.

In this possible dream, he was in the body of Louis Tomlinson, he recognizes. Surrounding him is an endless stretch of empty space, not a single color to be found. The only sound was the sound of his breath and his feet moving across the ground as he searched for answers. “Hello?” he called out, his voice disappearing as soon as it left his lips since there was nothing to echo off of. He waited, and when nothing appeared to him, he called out again. When no answer came a second time, Louis let out a frustrating shout. “What the fuck is going on?” he shouted, throwing his arms up in the air. “Am I being punished? Did I break some kind of fourth wall or what?”

“No, you’re not being punished,” a voice said from behind him, making Louis jump up and clench at his chest.

“Jesus!” he said, his heart still beating wildly from the scare. He turned around to find a boy, probably around the same age as the body he was currently in, with short brown hair and a grin that was much too cheeky in his opinion. “Who the hell are you?”

The boy chuckled, much to Louis’ annoyance with the current situation, and patted him on the shoulder. “I’m like you,” he said. “I don’t have a true identity but you can call me Stan.”

‘Like him?’ Louis thought to himself. ‘Was he not the only one like this?’

“You might be different, Louis, but you aren’t unique,” the boy said in a teasing tone, making Louis even more annoyed than he already was.

“Stay out of my head unless you’re actually going to tell me something useful,” he said, his arms crossing over his chest. “The past day has been confusing enough as it is and this really isn’t helping.”

The boy smiled and motioned for Louis to walk with him and reluctantly, Louis did. “You see, Louis,” he started, his arm resting over Louis’ shoulders. “Like I said, you’re different, but you aren’t unique. There are a few people like you and I. We travel from body to body until it’s decided we’ve reached our final resting place.”

Louis’ eyes furrowed together. This Stan character really wasn’t making things clearer for him. None of this was fixing his confusion from the past day. “How is it decided I made it to my final resting place? Whose body am I in?”

“The body you are in is completely your own, you’re not stealing someone’s life or anything,” Stan explained, which did help relieve some of Louis’ fears a bit. “As for why now after it’s been so long, I think you may know your answer. Just think, Louis.”

Louis thought about what could have changed where it was somehow decided his life was going to change and live a “normal” life. Even though, in his opinion, it was a long shot, his mind only came up with one possible answer. “Harry?” he asked.

“Bingo!” Stan shouted, clapping Louis on the shoulder. “You’re a quick one, Louis.”

“But why?” he asked. “I mean, I’ll admit, Harry hasn’t left my mind since I woke up as him but I mean, it can’t be that simple, can it?”

“It can, actually,” the other boy said. “We travel all over, come into contact with thousands of people but in very rare occurrences, we come into contact with people who alter us. They alter the way we think or feel and that can be dangerous. If we continue on with our lives when we’re altered like that, it’s harder to focus. How can you focus on keeping someone’s life in check, especially their love lives, if our brains are somewhere else? “

Louis thought about what he was being told. He knew he couldn’t stop thinking about the boy with the curly hair, but could he really be more than just a simple infatuation? Could he really have changed that much just from one day? “So what now?” he asked, looking up at Stan.

“Now, you live your life the way you want to,” he said with a shrug of his shoulder. “You have a body, you have a place to live, you have money….now it’s your choice to do what you want with it. I’m assuming Harry will eventually be involved somewhere in there.”

“And that’s it?” he asked, everything seeming too good to be true.

“That’s it. You’ve done enough, Louis. Now’s your chance to finally enjoy yourself.”

Louis nodded his head, a smile gracing his lips. “I still don’t completely understand,” he said. “But thank you.”

“Don’t get all sappy on me, Louis,” Stan said with a roll of his eyes. “Just go live your life.”

Before Louis could reply, Stan was gone and soon everything else around him started to blur to black. His eyes opened then and he was in the same room he fell asleep in, something Louis thought he would never experience. He smiled and let out a small laugh. He checks the time before hoping out a bed, his smile never leaving his face and went through his morning routine.

When he was finished, he quickly looked up the address of the bakery Harry worked at and found it was only a short distance away. He grabbed the keys that were sitting next to the folder of his information. He grabbed the I.D., and the shiny credit card and headed out the door. When he got outside he let out a whistle at the sight of the black Porsche waiting for him. ‘Damn, Stan at least is letting my roll in style, shit’ he thought to himself.

He pulled down the long drive and flew down the road, laughing the whole way. He couldn’t believe what was actually happening. He was going to be able to live his own life, a life that if he played his cards right, would involved Harry.

He pulls into a parking space and took a few deep breaths. This was it. This was the life changing moment that he’d remember forever. He got out of the car, making sure to straighten out his clothes before opening the door. The bakery was dead, safe for a few people who were just leaving. Standing behind the counter was no other than the boy he was just a few days ago. He swallowed the lump in his throat before stepping up.

“Hi,” the boy said, his voice rich and sultry, making Louis practically melt on the spot. “What can I get for you?”

Louis licked his lips before asking, “Well, what would you recommend?” He flashed the other boy a smile, effectively making him blush.

“Well,” Harry said, looking at the display case. “I think the scones are rather good. Made ‘em myself this morning.”

“Then that’s what I’ll get,” he said, smile still illuminating his face. “You seem like a trustworthy guy,” he pretended to look at his nametag before adding, “Harry.”

Harry nodded and went to retrieve the scone and hand it over to Louis. “Um, anything else?” he asked, the blush still spread across his cheeks.

Louis knew it was now or never. He had to make his move or else he’d have to wait until Harry worked again in order to see him. “How about a date?” he asked, trying to sound confident even though he was internally having a mini freak out.

Harry looked at Louis and studied his face as if he was trying to figure out if he was joking or not. From being him, Louis knew that Harry was self-conscious so he smiled, hoping that he was convincing the other boy that this wasn’t a joke. After a stretch of silence, Harry slowly nodded his head and said, “Sure.”

Louis’ smile stretched further across his face and tried to contain his excitement. He wasn’t sure how he was supposed to explain to Harry why he was that excited to go out with someone he only just met so breaking out in dance was probably out of the question. “Awesome,” he said. “Give me your number and I’ll give you a call later tonight.”

The other boy nodded is head and quickly wrote out his number and handed it over to Louis. “Can I at least know your name?” he asked. “I should probably know your name before going out with you.”

“It’s Louis,” he said. “And I’ll see you tonight, Harry.” He passed the boy a five pound note and told him to keep the change, making sure to wink at the boy before turning to leave the bakery.

When he was safe in the privacy of his Porsche, he started laughing. He still wasn’t sure why this was happening, why he was given this chance, why Harry, but right now, he wasn’t going to worry about it. He was just going to do what Stan told him to, live his life to the fullest, hopefully, with Harry by his side.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you like this. It took me a long time to write and I'm pretty satisfied with it. From a lot of public feedback from Tumblr and onedirectionfanfiction, I'm in the process of making a second part. I'm not sure how long it's going to take me so please be patient if you also are interested in this continuing!


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